I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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