I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
