just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
