Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
