Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
