I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
