There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
