Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize