we have pet lesbian snakes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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