I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
