Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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