the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
