I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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