So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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