I skipped work to stalk him.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
