dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
