I want to stick my p in your. b.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
