I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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