I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
