Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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