her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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