Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
