you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
