I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he thought i was a dude.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i need some magic done to my vagina
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
