apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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