I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
