Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
