He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
