i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
