if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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