May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
