You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
