It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
