So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
