K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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