I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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