On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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