Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
zippers are such a cool invention
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
