so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
