"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
