my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
