he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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