she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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