i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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