Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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