Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
