Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
