No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
