i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
