Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
