No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
