when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
