Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
