When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
