So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
