Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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