he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
