I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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