Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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