I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Drunk is a universal language darling
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