my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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