New invention idea: vibrating tampons
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont even know how to be here
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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