There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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