so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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