Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
