If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dicks are not precious.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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